• Panda

Returning to my first love. Part 3 - Create or die

Updated: Jan 28, 2021

So the title may be a bit over the top, but this has in many ways been my modus operandi from earliest memory. Besides that, the blog software said to 'add a catchy title' in the subject box.


I can't believe it's been almost a month from the last post. Time has quickly become a lost concept, but does seem to keep moving faster! However as things settle down in the mind, it is becoming easier to manage.


So why the extreme obsession to create? Here's my analysis: A lot of childhood was spent at my grandma's as my mom was often unwell and dad was working so many days and afternoons were spent in Glenn Park, IN. in the late 60's and early 70's. We lived in South Haven, IN - a subdivision towards Valparaiso about 30 minutes away back then. My grandma Ruth (Nani) and grandpa Paul (Tata - I always use nicknames) Zander were saints because according to family lore I was an absolutely horrible kid from a 'what is he making/taking apart/getting into now?' perspective - on 2Xsteroids. (The age differential between Nani and me was about the same as between myself and my grandson now who is very similar in energy and curiosity, and in this stage of life there's no way I could keep up with him and retain any kind of sanity whatsoever - that would have been difficult 25 years ago!). But thankfully Nani was wise and kept me busy with every toy you could get that was something build-able and kept my uncle's old bottom dresser drawer stocked with cardboard, paper towel cores, glue, tape, pipe cleaners, you name it. It was a constructive way to help address both of our needs. Since there were no kids in her neighborhood I was on my own for the most part to keep entertained. When my older cousin Bobbie (who I loved greatly) died tragically driving in a train accident, there was absolutely no young family to be around until 7 years later when my cousin Kelly was born. So I was already used to it as a way of life.


Just over a year ago I lost 'Tata' - (who's nickname was converted to Grandpa Z after I got older for obvious reasons). He was my last grandparent, and someone of character that inspires you to become better even knowing you could never arise to their level. He was one of the greatest of the greatest generation. He worked with his hands in concrete for a living, was always in shape, involved in community, looked 30 years younger than he was, and I never, never, never saw him get angry. I was fortunate to get to spend time with him several times before he passed away and even with his desire to depart and see Nani (if soulmates exist - they were it) he was happy at the end. He spent his last day in a really nice place that he liked (that's not normal). I'm glad he got to enjoy his last days because the place my mom was at wasn't near as nice and it hurt knowing she hated it. We are both lovers of Scripture so we read some and I asked him if he could pass on the most important lesson he learned in his 96 years. His summary was this. "Take one day at a time". This was Jesus' advice as well. When the last of a generation in your life is gone, the burden to carry on the family name and values falls one notch closer to you, and the feeling of need to carry on those memories/attributes increases greatly.

So in a sense, I grew up greatly encouraged with creating as my solace, purpose, memorial, and joy. This remains up to this day. And after some recent wake-up call reminders from previous wake up calls, from this point on I do take one day at a time and worry about nothing and am thankful for everything. The freedom is indescribable, and if was all to end tomorrow I'd still count myself blessed and highly favored for even just a few months of this.


So that's another stone for the foundation of the next post on one of the main subjects - signs! It should help shed some light on some of the psychological fulfillment that signs give people like me.


So until the next post of indulgence (I promise it won't take a month this time), be safe. Help each other. Be honorable. Love.

28 views0 comments